I wasn’t planning on posting anything today, but right now I just feel like I need to write. That’s what you have a blog for, right?
As you may know I’ve been going through a rough time lately. Without getting too much into details, I got overloaded with stress and things happening around me where I felt like I wasn’t treated in a fair way. I got two panic attacks before Christmas and decided it was time to get help. I felt like I needed someone to talk to, to help me clean up my mind a bit. I got in contact with a doctor that put me on the sick list for three weeks and during the time I was supposed to find someone to talk to. Problem was – everything was closed or they had a waiting time for 3-4 months. I was getting even worse, since calling one place after another saying “I need help” and get rejected every time, that takes a lot of energy. My mother stepped in and started to do the calls for me, as I felt like I couldn’t handle another rejection. It took her days, but today I finally got an appointment. That leads us to where I really want to go with this post.
I started talking, and for every situation I told her about she asked “How did you feel then?” and the answer usually was “Well, I got mad”. After repeating these two sentences several times she said:
“It sounds like you have a lot of anger, with every right. How do you turn out when you get mad?”
“I don’t. I don’t know how to act when I’m mad. I usually starts to cry instead.”
“Anger is a strong force. You have to allow yourself to be mad, because you have every right to be after all you’ve been through. Use the force to drive you forward, instead of letting it work against you and bring you down.”
Before I walked into that room, I thought I was just a wreak. That I was just feeling sad and had started to get anxiety again. Anger to me is a new feeling, that I’ve never really been feeling before, and that I don’t really know how to handle. But I knew for sure this wasn’t like it was ages ago when I was having panic attacks on a daily basis. This is different in so many ways, I just couldn’t pin point it. After this meeting today I know I will have to work with it differently, but the way is long because this is all new. I guess what I want with this post is to share her words and the way I need to rethink a whole lot of things now.
If you’re treated badly, or have any other reason to be mad, use it to gain power instead of letting it bring you down!